Lydia Hislop: how my confidence was hit by my mother's death

Racing broadcaster of the year Lydia Hislop has revealed her confidence and ability to present were seriously affected for a number of weeks by the death of her mother in March to the point where she felt she had “forgotten how to broadcast”.

Speaking on Racing Welfare’s new On Track, Off Course podcast, the Racing TV presenter and columnist said she has been unaware how much the grief of losing her mother Margaret to a heart attack just after the Cheltenham Festival would impact on her everyday life.

“I wasn’t prepared for how much it has hit me; I wasn’t really expecting it,” she said. “You’re thinking about it all the time.

“Part of presenting on television is sort of a confidence trick as you have to come across as being confident. I’d say the first six weeks of being back at work I found really difficult and I felt really precarious all the time like I’d forgotten how to broadcast and forgotten how to be confident about that sort of stuff. That took me aback.”

An inability to fully engage with her work also initially affected Hislop, who is the chair of the British Flat Pattern Committee and a trustee of the British Racing School alongside her media roles, and she has not ruled out the possibility of counselling as part of the ongoing impact of the grief.

She said: “I’m a bit better than I was. When I get lost in racing that’s great and now that I’m on a more even keel when I’m broadcasting racing or writing about racing I am lost in the job I’m doing.

“I had this awareness when I was first back that I was watching myself do it, almost, and that was the weird thing, you couldn’t lose yourself in the job.

Lydia Hislop says people need to talk about their mental healthCredit: Edward Whitaker

“[Counselling] isn’t something I’ve counted out now either and I think it’s something I might look into as it might help. Sometimes I get stuck on things and I think it might help me get past certain things and that might open me up to being more comfortable in general.”

Hislop stressed the importance of mental health as part of overall self-care, with the On Track, Off Course podcast seeking to get the racing industry talking about a range of topics, while offering advice and guidance from experts.

Hislop said: “We’re all increasingly conscious of the tangible impact that our mental health has on our lives. Yet we still struggle to talk openly about those very issues that affect our health and happiness.

“Racing Welfare’s new podcast is a positive attempt to address this damaging reticence, encouraging us to talk frankly about the human problems that we all grapple with.”

The On Track, Off Course podcast, which is set to feature guests such as George Baker, Ralph Beckett and Francesca Cumani in the weeks ahead, is being released every Tuesday by Racing Welfare and can be found on SoundCloud, Spotify and Acast.

More information on Racing Welfare’s services can be found on racingwelfare.co.uk or by calling 0800 6300 443.

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