Time for Oisin Murphy to make good on promises and start actually doing better

Do you ever fill in those surveys you find in the Sunday supplements? You know, the irritating, judgemental ones in the Lifestyle section that claim to want to help you to live a healthy and fulfilled existence but really just want to make you feel bad about how much you eat and drink.

I used to do them until I realised that, even when I lied on every question, halved every amount and dramatically understated every frequency, I still came out with a score that put me in the bed next to Oliver Reed in the rehab clinic.

It's even worse these days. The world's gone all responsible on us. Even journalism, that once noble bastion of excess, has drawn its horns in, so how bad must it be for top sportspeople, whose every move is scrutinised by the tabloids and to whom children apparently look for moral guidance (presumably in the absence of meaningful input from their parents).