Patiently watching bloopers in the dark awaiting redemption from banker treble

Spend a week with my wife and you will almost certainly witness her taking something back to a shop because she has changed her mind and would rather have a refund.

All manner of things – clothes, household items, gadgets – often catch her eye in a store or on a website, before failing to satisfy once they are in her possession, and being swiftly sent back from whence they came.

I expect even her husband – that dashing, lively, twinkle-eyed, young daredevil who dazzled down the aisle of St Laurence Church, Upwey, many moons ago – is looking ripe for return as he morphs into a gnashing, listless, dead-eyed, old duffer.