Goodwood news is great - but I won't be able to stop getting my tape measure out

It's quite alarming the extent to which coronavirus and lockdown have messed with the old melon, causing confusion in realms that were formerly straightforward, to the extent that revisiting events from the distant past – by which I mean four months ago – can elicit an involuntary shudder. The mind has been reprogrammed, so that even an evening in front of the TV can be an ordeal.

Normal People was an easy one: so many bodily fluids were exchanged that I was straight on to the police helpline, snitching for all I was worth and hoping for a couple of uniformed officers to burst into the bedroom during episode three and make arrests for multiple breaches of the Covid-19 restrictions.

But there have been other, less clearcut instances. It's hard to watch Killing Eve without wishing Jodie Comer would sanitise between murders; even Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson in Brief Encounter are clearly from different households and should be wearing masks if they insist on doing that kind of thing at a railway station; and those students are never two metres apart on University Challenge.