Steve Palmer: Golfing galleries could get ever more passionate

Thank the Lord they haven't banned sport yet. The banning community grows ever larger – around every corner you'll find a budding ban fan – but fortunately last week we were free to enjoy three magical days of Ryder Cup action from sunny Rome.

I expect it is only a matter of time before all sport is banned. Gosh, so many people get hurt in sport, don't they? Yes, we have to ban it. Have you seen those rugby players with ears resembling cauliflowers? We can't allow that anymore. Put it on the banned list. End the Rugby World Cup immediately.

Ban greyhound racing (even though greyhounds ruddy love greyhound racing). Ban horse racing (even though racehorses are looked after better than any other animals on Earth).