Train pain follows familiar World Cup heartache for anguished Englishman

My train ride home from London to Weymouth on Wednesday night was going jolly well until the guard started bleating on the speaker system about how unforeseen staff shortages meant a change of plan for our rattler.

Just before reaching Bournemouth, he announced that the train would not be going to Weymouth after all, and would be 'terminating' in Dorchester. Anyone needing to get to Weymouth should 'alight' at Bournemouth and wait for another 'service'.

It was impossible to think of a valid reason why this scenario should play out – why could the train not go a little further down the line from Dorchester to Weymouth? How does that 'staff shortage' materialise? Never mind smelling a rat – I felt like the ruddy Pied Piper of Hamelin with rats marauding up and down my trembling pipe.