Fleetwood whack followed by card calamity as torture continues

One of the most horrific moments in the life of a punter is when a new debit card arrives through the post. As soon as that letter hits the doormat, you are facing up to a serious session of administration.

The bank actually think they are doing you a favour. Look - a shiny, fresh card - and guess what? You can do contactless transactions now! Ooh, whoopeedoo. I wish you hadn't made any contact with me - because now I've got to contact a million bookmakers to update my card details with them.

This card change was not just a new expiry date - the last four digits of the main number were different, so hours of online toil and phone calls were required. I don't know why we can't have cards that never expire. If Mr HSBC ever dares to cross my path, I will grab him by the throat and ask him that very question.