Arrers season is upon us and one darter is clearly a cut above the rest

Just seven days to Christmas then. Excited? Is the goose getting fat? You have to feel sorry for the poor old geese at this time of year. They certainly aren't getting excited.

Imagine being a goose, knowing that getting fat means the end of your days. I expect there are geese the world over today who are forcing a foot down their beaks, trying to vomit their breakfast. The doomed little sweethearts are probably slurping SlimFast shakes for dinner and breathing in whenever a farmer walks past.

Geese do not enjoy Christmas and I must admit to finding it a struggle, too. When December arrives, the tension seems to ratchet up. I always think the Christmas lights we put on our house are fantastic, but, annually, the wife is left with a big green light of envy spread across her face as the show-offs from No. 1 go the extra mile.