This may yet become the year of yippees if I just keep chipping away

The Cambridge Dictionary definition of the expression 'when the chips are down' is 'when you are in a very difficult or dangerous situation'. Well, the chips were down for me the other night because of a ruddy chip.

My wife is generally an excellent cook, but, on this occasion, a few of the chips on my plate had been in the oven too long, becoming tantamount to daggers. Rushing my dinner as always, distracted as always, shovelling carbohydrates into my eager gob like a turbo-charged JCB as always, I did not spot the danger lurking.

I scooped a particularly lavish portion of fish-fingers, peas and perfectly cooked chips into my chops, but hidden among the goodies was a baddie – a swarthy, spiky baddie ready to do damage. A human-hating chip with a chip on his shoulder. A fractious fry.