Successful pub frenzy provides perfect warm-up for super Sunday

A neighbour of mine walks his dog past my house every day and he (the neighbour, not the dog) has got into the habit of tossing his cigarette butt on the pavement right below my office window. He is getting me so stressed I may need to take up smoking.

Cigarette butts are not like banana skins – they are not biodegradable – and I probably won't be able to see out of my office soon because a mountain of butts will be blocking my view. It is outrageous behaviour.

Have a word with him, says the wife. Well, he looks like the sort of bloke who would launch a brick through my window if I complained – and I would rather he tossed cigarettes than bricks in my direction – so I guess muggins will be out there at some stage with a dustpan and brush to remedy the actions of this impertinent puffing plonker.