Nowadays you barely know what day it is – especially at Doncaster

It's all about the Event nowadays – and when the Event has passed, however much anyone liked it, the internet moves on to the next one. This goes for anything. Sneezing pandas, weekly Kanye albums, dogs that look like Andy Burnham, Weird Horse (still here, as it happens), Prince Harry rapping, you name it.

It's hard for imaginative types to plant their foot in history – they're swept up in the lunchtime zeitgeist and then discarded like cheap sparklers on a rainy bonfire night.

We're just shouting into a nebula while the real people (aka "men from the upper echelon of the hedge fund world") are preparing for the real Event. Tech experts are advising them on surviving the apocalypse, whatever form that is to take (hot weather, angry caliphate, rogue chess program – you know the sort of thing).