Doing the Schauffele shuffle after biggest winning Sunday of my betting life

I nearly fell asleep in a public house on Wednesday night. While standing up. While throwing a dart. That is how tired the modern man can get.

My weekly session of 'me time', as lifestyle coaches like to say, traditionally culminates in a darts match against my friend. It is always staged under 'whoever gets the most 180s wins' rules – conventional scoring is too much hassle – and it typically stays locked at zero-zero for the duration.

Then, if it is still zero-zero when the session of imbibery is close to completion, a game of double-top, 25, bull takes place. Whoever completes that trio of hits first is deemed the champion.