Carey Street consultations could work wonders for you

See? All those years ago we could have had Edward Whitaker down in Pound Tree Road, Southampton, taking a picture of Ladbrokes and Coral side by side when the merger, or more correctly the Ladbrokes takeover, first became a possibility.

Thankfully, now that everything has moved that much closer, there is still time. As the Ladbrokes boardman on the premises nearly half a century ago, I am happy to accept this photo opportunity (as people say these days), my arms spread wide to illustrate the implacable march of big business. Afterwards we can have lunch at Ennio's, a very pleasant Italian restaurant within easy walking distance and very much Edward's sort of thing, I should think.

The point is, I'm available for consultation. The Nailsea accordionist now includes a medley from Oklahoma! in his repertoire and has benefited accordingly. But it's no good if people don't ask me. A posh wine bar was never going to work here – Portishead yes, Clevedon yes, Nailsea no because it's not on the coast and there are very few tourists. As for disgraced politician John Stonehouse leaving a pile of clothes by the water's edge in Miami, well, words fail me.