PETER THOMAS

Weblog:  Wandering the world wide web

Virtual speedway? I'd rather eat sprouts

CHRISTMAS EVE, presents wrapped, sprouts peeled, sage and onion in the appropriate place, what to do next? I go to the betting shop, just to see what it is that's worth opening for when there's no racing on. Not much is the answer.

There's South Africa, which looks like proper racing but betting on it is like marrying someone you met yesterday in an internet chat room. There's Hall Green and Sunderland, including doggie handicaps.

I always think the handicap for dogs should be a lamp post on every bend or a starter's assistant with aniseed balls in her jodphurs. And then there's Velocity Park.

Is it just me that's never heard of this before? It's virtual speedway, identical to real speedway except that the rider who makes it to the first bend first doesn't always win. And it must have great viewing figures because it's heavily sponsored.

William Hill have big banners at strategic points around the track, as the commentator keeps pointing out, which is a bit odd, although I am in a William Hill shop.

I leave without having a bet of any kind, which must be a record of some kind, or at least an indication of the dross quotient of what's on offer. I find myself wondering if anybody has had a bet at all, or if they're all just getting out of the house.

I go home and ponder entering the Weekender competition to win dinner with Mick Fitzgerald, but I decide the soup would probably be cold by the time he'd stopped talking, so I don't bother.

The wife has prepared a "restorative, detoxifying" chicken noodle soup for tea,so I feel justified in having lots of booze afterwards, just to top the levels up for tomorrow's onslaught. Wouldn't want to go into it unprepared.

Time for the Gavin and Stacey Christmas Special now, so I'll wish you all a very merryChristmas and a swift return to anything other than Velocity Park. Many happy returns. And I'll be blogging tomorrow just to make sure there's nobody out there sad enough to be reading a blog on Christmas day.