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PETER THOMAS |
Weblog: Wandering the world wide web
A weighty matter resolved at last
SO, at last, the mystery of Andrew Thornton and the missing 1lb 3oz has been cleared up, and it wasn't pretty. When Thornton's mount Radar Love was disqualified from first place at Fontwell last week after Thornton had weighed in light, the old brain cells were clunking away trying to work out how the long-legged jockey could have lost such an amount in the space of just a few minutes and where I could get hold of acopy of his diet book, but now the prosaic truth has been revealed.
It wasn't a superhuman effort in the saddle that caused the slimming - although it was a fine effort in a tight finish - or a leaky saddlecloth or a senile clerk of the scales. All it was was a call of nature that seems to have hit our man at the worst possible time.
Let me talk you through the numbers here. 'Lensio' - the myopic member of Richard Phillips' mythical Brazilian football team - was allowed under the regulations to weigh in 1lb light, to cover natural wastage during the strains of the battle. He weighed in 1lb 3oz light, making him 3oz wrong. He'd been to the toilet, done number ones and number twos, he says. Had he possessed the capacity to do just ones or twos, perhaps he'd have kept the race. If he'd done neither, perhaps he would have lost narrowly and saved himself the suspension he incurred. But he did both and ended up with the worst of both worlds - no prize money and a ban.
It's not the kind of thing you or I have to think about when we're timing our visits to the smallest room, unless you happen to be a jockey, too, so I wouldn't be too harsh. But until all riders become masters of their own digestive tracts and achieve zen-like control over their movements, I consider it the duty of all punters to collect their winnings as soon as possible and leave the bookies as the ones in the financial lurch when the s**t hits the fan in the weighing room.
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